he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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