Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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