I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
