I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
