I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
