I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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