Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
