yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
