What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize