I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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