Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
