pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
