i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
