I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
