We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
