Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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