Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
