she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
