Capitaan dildo arrescate!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize