this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize