I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I believe in your delicious
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
