im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
