I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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