Do you still have your period?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize