69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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