If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
