I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
