Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
