So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i came on her dog
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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