What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize