I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
