I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
