I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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