Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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