she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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