oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
