I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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