I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
