she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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