I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize