just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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