We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
