The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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