I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize