carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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