those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
