After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
