420 ftw
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
