kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
