did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
