so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize