My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
