he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
