I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
