dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
