Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
