no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
