dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
