remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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