meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize