You made me cry and you don't even care
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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