you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
