yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
