So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
