yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
