If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
