Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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