Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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