This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
