bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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