NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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